Mind is buzzing of thoughts I’ve nurtured through my stay.
In all the questions I’ve sought answers to, I’ve discovered many more to be unsure of.
In the stare of that man begging, wandering from wagons to streets, seeking coins to satisfy his hunger. The draw of luck may land him a bill that would make him feel satiated but not forever satisfied.
He may wander, but he is far from lost. He knows where to be. He can read kindness in the patrons eyes, perhaps gambles at times, or just desperate. Regardless of the day’s plot, the goal is to not go to bed hungry.
So easy to throw around the word love. The beggar will tell you better than anyone, some patrons give. Despite the noble intentions, it’s not always a repeatable feat. Sometimes, peace is easier to attain, peace with begging, peace with not feeling full everyday. Ironically, I hear in peace you find how to love.
Forever? Always? True? Only temporarily attainable I thought, despite knowing it, the big bill is all we have eyes for. In reality, how many would get a bill that cures their hunger? A journey they say, but in reality we bear too many scars. Wanderers, made vagabonds, turnt dreamers. How to find the “forever” bill?
Unlike passion and lust, the flame is in her eyes, that short breath, stolen kiss on these luscious lips lit by lipstick, is all so real. Every moment leading to that instance, so superficial, yet every second of it is enjoyable and insatiable. Every moment savored like reliving the excitement of a first kiss.
The touch of her skin for the first time, the realization of being atop of a mountain alone and being its master, would it feel the same in 20 years? The force that pulled these lips together like wax sealing an envelope, containing the excitement building to the expectation of the recipient, pen pal, anxious to share reciprocal link.
Unconquerable the thought that this moment may never be again. This moment was a building block to forever. Love doesn’t seem that zealous. Love threads a thin line between safe and comfortable. Love is jealous. Love is desperate. Love is prudent; especially when you’ve been promised a bill you couldn’t cash in.
The bigger the bill, the more the current gratification, but in reality we aren’t beggars. We seek opportunity and compassion, or we crave to share all of us, without holding back. The real bill we’d like is to never beg again.